Psalm 73.

Lately, I’ve been having many days where I just feel like life is not fair. My mantra yesterday was a mix of “Life is just not fair!” and “God is just being mean.”

There are many reasons I’ve felt this way, but the one that sticks out the most is how frequently it seems that people who are NOT following the Lord seem to get… everything. They seem to have it so easy and things that come so hard for us or take forever for us, they get in an instant. We pray and pray and live Godly lives and… nothing. It’s not even that the things we ask God for are selfish; they’re things we either genuinely need or things that God has told us are good to desire. And yet… nothing.

Yesterday was one of those days where it just seemed like none of it was fair. I cried and cried and went to bed exhausted with those little red dots by my eyes because I had cried so much. Brian finally left me alone and said above all, I needed to work it out with God. But, that was honestly the last thing I wanted to do.

Right before bed, though, I opened my Bible and started reading in Psalms where I left off the night before. I made it two whole chapters before the third one finally hit home. It was like I had written all my thoughts of the last few weeks down and God was reading them back to me. But, He had added stuff onto the end that made all my jumbled thoughts and feelings finally make sense.

It’s long, but it’s good and if nothing else, I need to type it out as a reminder for myself. Here is Psalm 73 in the New Living, with the spots highlighted that hit me the hardest:

“Truly God is good to Israel, to those whose hearts are pure. But as for me, I came so close to the edge of the cliff! My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone. For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness. They seem to live such a painless life; their bodies are so healthy and strong. They aren’t troubled like other people or plagued with problems like everyone else. They wear pride like a jeweled necklace, and their clothing is woven of cruelty. These fat cats have everything their hearts could ever wish for! They scoff and speak only evil; in their pride they seek to crush others. They boast against the very heavens, and their words strut throughout the earth. And so the people are dismayed and confused, drinking in all their words. ‘Does God realize what is going on?’ they ask. ‘Is the Most High even aware of what is happening?’ Look at the arrogant people – enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply. Was it for nothing that I kept my heart pure and kept myself from doing wrong? All I get is trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain. If I had really spoken this way, I would have been a traitor to your people. So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper. But what a difficult task it is! Then one day I went into your sanctuary, O God, and I thought about the destiny of the wicked. Truly, you put them on a slippery path and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction. In an instant they are destroyed, swept away by terrors. Their present life is only a dream that is gone when they awake. When you arise, O Lord, you will make them vanish from this life. Then I realized how bitter I had become, how pained I had been by all I had seen. I was so foolish and ignorant – I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. But those who desert him will perish, for you destroy those who abandon you. But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.”

I don’t know about you, but it never ceases to amaze me when God makes His Word literally come alive and show Himself to be 100% relevant. I may not have all the answers I wanted, but at least I know I’ve never been alone in this struggle.

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Swimsuit Rant.

Summer is upon us. Well, upon some of us. It’s winter here, so I’m not really talking about me. Summer is upon some of YOU, then. Anyway. It’s late. I’m moving on now. With summer (or YOUR summer…) comes one of my biggest pet peeves. This is my blog…I decided with my political rant last year that I can rant about what I want and if you guys don’t like it, you can start your own blog. 

Anywho. My current rant: Christian girls in bikinis. Facebook is currently filled with pictures of Christian girls hanging out in pools, on boats, on beaches – all scantily clad in bikinis. These are the same girls that would freak out if you saw them in their underwear and yet, they are willing to post pictures on the internet of themselves hanging out with friends wearing swimwear that I can guarantee covers less than most suitable pairs of undies. These are the same, single girls who complain about getting no respect from guys, who complain about guys treating them as objects, and who are constantly going through boyfriends and never getting married. Hmm. Why are they confused again? Whatever happened to modesty? I don’t like bathing suits to begin with – never have, even when I had the body for them. I just always felt like they were SO revealing. Now, bathing suits have gotten smaller and smaller and yet somehow, Christian girls look at them and go, “Now hey, here’s something I’ll wear to the beach next week.” What?? I don’t get it.

I know the Bible doesn’t specifically say what our dress code as women should be, but Scripture does talk about our beauty being from the inside and NOT to be jewelry and fancy hair. It also talks about God looking at the inside of a person, not the outside. Our body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit. If you think about what that alone means, you’d realize that the Temple was ornately adorned, well taken care of, and treated with the utmost respect and purity. We’re also told to be different from the world – to be IN it, but not OF it. None of these things are new. I just feel like none of it matters anymore. “Inner beauty” is always tossed aside like something the Amish believe, but not something the modern Christian needs to worry about. In fact, if you tell a teenage girl that she’s beautiful on the inside, you’re liable to get slapped anymore. Telling young girls to respect their bodies is nigh unto telling them they’re too young to use the computer.

But, it’s SO frustrating. It’s even worse when you know the girls are youth leaders or children’s teachers in church. Here are girls that are supposed to be leading the next generation to follow the Lord and yet, on weekends, they’re out with their guy friends, dressed like sluts, taking inappropriate pictures and posting them on the internet, and then complaining about not having a true relationship that lasts longer than a Mento. Oh, it truly, truly bothers me.

Even when I was in Bible school, they would have talks with the girls about how they dressed. The main reason they discussed it with us so much was because men are so incredibly visual that even the most innocent of fashionable outfits can cause problems for them. A lot of the girls just plain refused to understand and still dressed questionably, even to class. Our professors always hated it when girls wore short skirts, sat in the back up on the platform, so they had to look up to them… you get the idea. Not cool. Yet, it didn’t seem to affect so many of them. They were more worried about their own appearance than safe-guarding the minds of their Christian brothers.

So… that’s it. I wish I had a solution. I think the only real solution is the Holy Spirit doing some major convicting. In cultural training, we talked about how it’s not up to us to convict of sin because you never know what sins are more urgent to be convicted of. What may appear to us to be something that needs to be changed right away might be lower on the list of things God wants to fix immediately because, like I said earlier, God looks at the heart, not the outside. So, as much as I’d like SO many of these girls to alter their outward appearance during these summer months, it’s not up to me. Maybe there’s other issues God has to fix first and how somebody dresses is further down the list. Thankfully, that’s up to Him, not me.

Now if only I can just let it go… and block these people from Brian’s facebook so he doesn’t look at his friends in skimpy bikinis…

Feliz Cumpleanos!

My favoritest husband ever turns 25 today! He’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I could NOT imagine life without him! So, here’s to Brian. He…

• is the second oldest of four boys.
• grew up in South Dakota, but is proud that he did not grow up on a ranch!
• won multiple awards for his carpentry skills and placed in college-level for his carpentry knowledge, while still in high school.
• worked as a manager at Subway, which is where he met his now best friend who led him to the Lord when they were 16 years old.
• was a youth leader and a kind of intern at his church after accepting the Lord.
• was kicked out of the house by his parents when he announced he was going to Bible school and not a trade school.
• moved to Bible school with everything he owned in the trunk of his car and began a new life… which included ME two months later. 🙂
• asked me to marry him after a terrifying week with my father explaining all the reasons why Brian thought we should be together.
• worked three jobs while going through his last year of Bible school just to ensure that we had a nice wedding and a stable life waiting for us after the ceremony.
• worked as hard as possible during our first year of marriage so we could own a house a year later.
• was never content just being a working man; was constantly looking for opportunities to serve the Lord full-time, but wanted to be sure he led us as a family in the right direction.
• led his youngest brother to the Lord in 2006 ~ one of the happiest days of his life.
• was an amazing godfather to our little goddaughter Luxona for the first two years of her life.
• was willing to sell everything, live with my parents, and move to a foreign country as a missionary, without first “trying out” like everyone wanted him to.
• is doing his absolute best to learn Spanish, regardless of how hard or how many people laugh at him.
• is one of the hardest, most dedicated, most faithful workers I’ve ever met in my life.
• has the biggest servant’s heart of anybody I know.
• is my best friend, my hero, my husband.

I love you, Brian. Happy Birthday.