Lately, I’ve been having many days where I just feel like life is not fair. My mantra yesterday was a mix of “Life is just not fair!” and “God is just being mean.”
There are many reasons I’ve felt this way, but the one that sticks out the most is how frequently it seems that people who are NOT following the Lord seem to get… everything. They seem to have it so easy and things that come so hard for us or take forever for us, they get in an instant. We pray and pray and live Godly lives and… nothing. It’s not even that the things we ask God for are selfish; they’re things we either genuinely need or things that God has told us are good to desire. And yet… nothing.
Yesterday was one of those days where it just seemed like none of it was fair. I cried and cried and went to bed exhausted with those little red dots by my eyes because I had cried so much. Brian finally left me alone and said above all, I needed to work it out with God. But, that was honestly the last thing I wanted to do.
Right before bed, though, I opened my Bible and started reading in Psalms where I left off the night before. I made it two whole chapters before the third one finally hit home. It was like I had written all my thoughts of the last few weeks down and God was reading them back to me. But, He had added stuff onto the end that made all my jumbled thoughts and feelings finally make sense.
It’s long, but it’s good and if nothing else, I need to type it out as a reminder for myself. Here is Psalm 73 in the New Living, with the spots highlighted that hit me the hardest:
“Truly God is good to Israel, to those whose hearts are pure. But as for me, I came so close to the edge of the cliff! My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone. For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness. They seem to live such a painless life; their bodies are so healthy and strong. They aren’t troubled like other people or plagued with problems like everyone else. They wear pride like a jeweled necklace, and their clothing is woven of cruelty. These fat cats have everything their hearts could ever wish for! They scoff and speak only evil; in their pride they seek to crush others. They boast against the very heavens, and their words strut throughout the earth. And so the people are dismayed and confused, drinking in all their words. ‘Does God realize what is going on?’ they ask. ‘Is the Most High even aware of what is happening?’ Look at the arrogant people – enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply. Was it for nothing that I kept my heart pure and kept myself from doing wrong? All I get is trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain. If I had really spoken this way, I would have been a traitor to your people. So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper. But what a difficult task it is! Then one day I went into your sanctuary, O God, and I thought about the destiny of the wicked. Truly, you put them on a slippery path and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction. In an instant they are destroyed, swept away by terrors. Their present life is only a dream that is gone when they awake. When you arise, O Lord, you will make them vanish from this life. Then I realized how bitter I had become, how pained I had been by all I had seen. I was so foolish and ignorant – I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. But those who desert him will perish, for you destroy those who abandon you. But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.”
I don’t know about you, but it never ceases to amaze me when God makes His Word literally come alive and show Himself to be 100% relevant. I may not have all the answers I wanted, but at least I know I’ve never been alone in this struggle.