This Week.

I honestly can’t believe another week is already over. I thought I had blogged more last week, but apparently not! I don’t know what happened. I must’ve blogged subconsciously and just thought that I’d posted it all. woops.

So, on to Thankful Monday!

• Being able to carry on an hour-long meeting with all the parents IN SPANISH with very little help. SCORE.
• Spending two wonderful days with the most beautiful children I’ve ever had the privilege of being around.
• Being able to help in camp and having the confidence to actually speak in Spanish to people I don’t know.
• Watching who knows how many children from World Vision accept the Lord Saturday night around the bonfire.
• The grace and love of my Father.
• Being able to be the guest house yet again, this time for two weeks.
• That the couple staying with us was able to bring a suitcase of things down for us – including everything I need for Christmas, a couple more books, some special surprise items from my mom, and cans of pumpkin so I can make two pumpkin pies for my husband for the holidays.
• An afternoon-long conversation with someone who is quickly turning into one of the best friends I think I’ve ever had. We’re so alike – down to how we teach – and it’s just such a blessing to be able to spend time together.
• Being able to help plan VBS for the summer.

This weekend was incredibly busy, but wow, was it wonderful. I watched my favorite little girl, Cielo, along with another deaf child – a little 8 year old boy named Pablo. Karen (my house cleaner who cares for Cielo) was asked by Pablo’s parents to care for Pablo. He goes to a deaf school and knows quite a few signs and is such a sweetheart. But, his parents claim they don’t want him. They will leave him alone in the house for hours at a time and Karen will come to his house and find him there alone, so she takes him with her. Other times, she comes to see how he’s doing and the parents ask if she can watch him and they’ll call when they’re ready to take him back. That’s what happened this weekend- she took him Friday evening and his parents didn’t call to have him back until Sunday afternoon. They didn’t even send extra clothes with him so she had to scrounge around for some. On the plus side, he does ask for his parents and he does miss them. He drew pictures of them for me and it was obvious that he cares for them. Cielo, on the other hand, doesn’t want anything to do with her family and freaks out if she knows she’s going to visit. Makes us wonder if Pablo’s parents DO care for him and are just taking advantage of the free babysitting.

Regardless, Karen had to work in camp this weekend as a counselor, so she asked if I would watch them. At first, it was a little awkward because Pablo didn’t realize I was in charge, so he kept running off and it’s not like I yell at him to come back. But, after awhile, the kids got accustomed to me and were really obedient. I needed to feed them lunch, though, and so I made them the one kid-friendly, sure-fire meal I know to make: Macaroni & Cheese. Yeah. That bombed. They hated it. Karen ended up coming down and literally force-feeding it to them until Pablo started to cry. I felt awful. But, how was I to know they would hate it?! I don’t even keep rice in my house so it wasn’t even like I had a back-up plan. Woops.

I had the two of them until 9:30 Saturday night. Cielo took a nap in the afternoon, on my lap, for two hours. My one question: how do you wake up a deaf child?! Took about five minutes to wake her up, poor tired thing.

Sunday morning, not only did Karen show up with the kids shortly after 7am, but our visitors from PA showed up shortly after 7 as well. So, the day was off and running before I was really ready for it, that’s for sure! Between watching the kids and helping in camp, the days really flew by. Brian was busy with camp all day Saturday, but Sunday he wasn’t busy at all, so he  helped immensely with the children. He took them for a walk and played with them. He put Cielo down for a nap while I took Pablo to play for awhile. Unfortunately, Cielo woke up screaming from a nightmare and was still crying when I came home. Poor baby.

Sunday afternoon, Karen took Pablo to go meet his parents and we kept Cielo for a few more hours. Something has definitely happened to her by a man because as much as she loved being around Brian, he made her nervous frequently and started being extra clingy to me as the evening wore on. Brian was really good at keeping his distance when she got nervous and showing her that he was NOT going to hurt her.

Karen finally came for her around 8. For once, Cielo didn’t jump up and run to her immediately. She stayed on the couch with me, eating her bowl of rice.

I have to admit when she finally left, I had a tough time. She needs a HOME – not a student who wants to be her mommy, but is still a student finding her way in the world. She needs a mom and a dad and stability and love and discipline. She needs a set bedtime and set meal times and a consistent schedule. It was hard to see her leave, especially when I found out that this morning, she didn’t go to school because Karen was too tired to take her. I also found out that this morning, the first thing she asked for me was Brian and I and she wanted to come to our house. Then when Brian saw her at lunch, she just threw herself at him.

I don’t know why she’s been brought into our life and I don’t know how long she’ll be here. I do know that it’s reaffirmed to Brian and I that we should adopt. I just wish I knew how or when!

So, onto a new week. We have an older couple from BCM International (our organization) staying with us for two weeks while he teaches the book of Romans in IBYM and she does some women’s ministry stuff. We really enjoy them so I think the two weeks should be fairly easy. =) This weekend is another weekend of camp with more kids from World Vision. This past weekend, many kids received the Lord and even a few of their leaders accepted the Lord. We found out that, at least in Peru, most of the workers for World Vision and Compassion International are NOT believers – it’s just a job for them. We had a lot of issues with the leaders because they’re NOT saved, but Brian and I were impressed with how our co-workers handled the situation.

I’m hoping to get pictures uploaded this evening and I’ll post a few from the weekend when I get a chance.

 

Monday, Monday.

I’m actually writing this post Sunday night; can it still count for Monday’s thankfulness?? 

To be brutally honest, Sunday was not the best day of my week and about stole all the thankfulness I’d been building up. I’m still working through some stuff and reconciling with things that aren’t easy to reconcile with; but I have a great husband who’s always there for me. He doesn’t judge me or make me feel horrible for being an awful person. I’m sure everything will work out; I just don’t know how right now.

 But, I digress. Here’s my Thankful Monday list along with an old Ribble Family Favorite Recipe (that’s my maiden name, in case you were going “Who?”).

• Being encouraged by a friend who seems to be in worse predicament than I am, yet she’s so full of joy and faith. Floors me every time I talk to her and I’m so thankful for her influence in my life.
• Being included in the activities coming up here at camp – for the first time we were on the lists of people to help out and they aren’t merely behind the scenes washing dishes stuff!
• Not having to go to Iquitos in December! Let me repeat: We are NOT going to Iquitos in December!!!!!! YAY!!!!
• Watching for an entire day the most beautiful, most special four year old I’ve ever met. Her name is Cielo and if there was any feasible way, we would keep her. My favorite part of the day was when we were cuddling on the couch during “quiet time” and she kept turning around to give me the sign for “I love you” (she’s deaf) and then wrapping her arms around my neck in big hugs. I didn’t want to see her go!

 

 

• A great time teaching English at our church plant Saturday afternoon.
• Having our own transportation to get to the church plant on a Saturday afternoon!
• That my father-in-law came through a surgery okay this week.
• Being able financially to help out three students with their school bill this past week.
• Having students finally feel comfortable enough with us that they ask for help with homework, use our oven, and come and go freely during the week.
• Spending a late Saturday afternoon baking with two bored little girls on campus who just like hanging out with us on weekends. They play with Brian and when he gets boring (because he gets back to work!), they come inside and visit me. Yesterday, we made peanut butter brownies together- me, teaching them words in English and they correcting my Spanish. We looked at pictures together while we waited for it to bake (with them turning the oven light on every five minutes) and then we sent them home with pieces for themselves and their families.
• My husband who holds me when I cry, leaves me alone when I’m angry, doesn’t make me go to church when he knows I just can’t do it, makes me coffeecake to help me feel better, and doesn’t judge me when my faith is lacking. 

So, growing up, my mom made this dessert every so often. It was always a favorite, but it never seemed to last long! Now, I know why! It only makes an 8×8 pan and I’m sure my mom never felt like doubling it! I rediscovered this dessert back in August after we got my oven and I wanted to make a dessert, but didn’t have many ingredients. Now, Brian asks for it frequently and since it’s so easy, I acquiesce. J I made it once in South Dakota, but the elevation must’ve messed it up because it was never the right consistency. Here, however, being at sea level, elevation is no longer a problem! Speaking of elevation, a lot of trees have been cut down around our house and we realized this evening – we can see the ocean from our bedroom window! Always been a dream of mine.  

Anyway – here’s the recipe of the week:

Brownie Pudding 

Once again, here’s all the ingredients necessary! Not very many and very easy to have on hand. 

Combine all the dry ingredients in a bowl – flour, white sugar, baking powder, cocoa, and salt. 

This is an up-close of my baking powder. This is for Becky – this is the only size it comes in and the only brand we’ve found. Hope that helps! J

 

Add the wet ingredients – milk, vegetable oil, and vanilla – to the dry, then pour into a well-greased 8×8 baking dish.

 

Sprinkle on top a mixture of brown sugar and cocoa. It’ll be a nice, thick layer.

 

On the very top of it all, pour HOT water. I normally begin boiling the water in a tea kettle while I’m getting everything assembled and then I have hot water ready to go just in time.

  

Place the whole steaming mixture into a 350 degree (F) oven for about 45 minutes.

NO MORE! I normally just check to be sure the top is browning nicely, but sticking a knife into it won’t work since it’s supposed to be pudding-like underneath the top layer.

 

And – VOILA! Brownie Pudding! As you can see, you have brownies on top and pudding underneath. MMMMM so good. It’s great hot or cold. We eat the first serving steaming hot from the oven, then refrigerate the leftovers. If you re-heat it, the pudding will re-appear, otherwise it kind of soaks it up into the brownie. Also good a-la-mode. Of course, what’s not?? 

Again, if you want the actual measurements, drop me a note!

 

Monday’s Thankfulness.

So, today, I’m thankful for…

• The fact that I’m NOT throwing up. I’m sick…. must’ve been something I ate yesterday…. but for once, I’m not throwing up. PHEW!
• Being able to spend time with Brian working in our yard on Saturday.
• The fact that the BCM church plant we attended yesterday was SO FULL we had people standing outside!
• The fact that at least 3 of the people in the church plant were brand new!
• Feeling really, really welcomed into that church.
• Being able to stand outside and talk with people, in Spanish, by ourselves, after church. Brian can carry on whole conversations now – I’m so proud of him!
• Having enough Spanish that I could help explain Hebrews 7 to a Bible school student last night. Most of that time was spent translating Brian into Spanish – and I did it!!!
• Seeing God answer two rather major prayers last week from within my Bible study group. Our God DOES work miracles!!!!
• Our 2nd year students’ trip to the jungle over the past three weeks that included witnessing to — ready for this??— 3000+ PEOPLE!!! Talk about putting what you’re learning into practice!
• Honest, real, true, lasting friendships. It’s so much easier to invest in people’s lives when you work together, have a common goal, and you know you’re not going to leave them in a few years. Haven’t really been able to do this since high school.

I might be laid up in bed all day today, but at least, for once, I’m not discouraged about it. I’m not as sick “as usual” and I’m pretty sure I know what happened. I know, unfortunately from experience, that I’ll be fine by tomorrow or Wednesday. So, I’m just going to try to ignore the awful pain in my stomach and think of this as a day off! Maybe…

 

 

God of the Fatherless.

There is little that touches my heart more than a child. I’ve known since I was a child – 13 years old – that God has called me to work with children. That’s one of the main reasons we were so enthusiastic about joining Bible Centered Ministries International – because their goal is to “Reach Children and Plant Churches Worldwide.”

When we were still in South Dakota, there were two organizations that I wanted to get involved with. Unfortunately, we weren’t there long enough for that to come to pass.

The first was an organization that works with the police. That area of South Dakota (or, the mid-West, actually) is known for high rates of meth abuse. So, there’s an organization that was developed that worked with the police. When the police knew they were about to bust a home that had meth inside and there were children known to be present, they contacted this organization that would bring in volunteers to go with the police and take care of the children who would be removed from the home.

The second organization I wanted to volunteer with was a Christian Pregnancy Center. They not only helped out the women, but they also spoke in schools about abstinence. The best thing I think they did, on top of the free ultrasounds, was that when a girl came and said they wanted help, they had them come for classes every month until the baby was born. The things they gave the girls weren’t necessarily “free”; the girls had to sit through classes on how to raise the child and Bible studies. I loved what they were doing!

Before moving to Peru, we learned that Peru has the highest number of illegal abortions… in the world. Part of that is because abortion IS illegal here in Peru, so any abortion adds to that percentage. However, still. That’s a high number. I can’t remember the exact number, but trust me, it was high. I was talking with a friend this week and I mentioned this to her and she agreed that that fact was probably true. She told me that there are signs everywhere that say, “Atraso Mensual?” with a phone number underneath. Those are all advertising illegal abortion clinics. (The sign means “Miss Your Period?”)

Yesterday, on the way to a nearby town, about a 20 minute drive, I counted 85. We were only halfway there. I quit counting.

85 signs advertising an illegal abortion clinic. To be fair, the phone number on each of them was the same, so it was advertising the same clinic. BUT ~ either business is really poor and they need a lot of advertising, OR there’s just such a high clientel, they want to advertise everywhere.

Either way, it’s distressing.

The other issue Peru faces is people trafficking. Prostitution is legal… kidnapping and trafficking people are not. A large number of women are taken every year from Iquitos (the jungle city we spend a lot of time in) and trafficked down to Lima (where we live). One report said that the majority of “street kids” that beg for money, sell stuff, etc, right here in our area are trafficked children from either the mountains or jungles. That’s scary to me. We see literally hundreds of children on the streets every time we go out. I wonder how many of them are not supposed to be here?

So, I’ve thinking about what we, as BCM Peru, can do. I have so many ideas. But, I know that none of them can come to pass without a few more workers, better Spanish, and a lot of prayer. Issues like this have been on my mind and heart for years. I’m in a country that needs much more help than anywhere I’ve ever lived before. I wonder what this could mean? And I wonder how it will come to pass?

Will you pray with me – just right now, wherever you’re at – for the children of Peru, the ones that are begging on the streets and the ones that are yet unborn? Pray for wisdom for us here at BCM as we figure out how we fit into this picture. And pray for us to get the license needed to build our own “Casa Hogar” (Children’s Home/Orphanage) within the next year.

 

Muffins!

You know how everybody seems to have their “thing” that they cook “the best”? I have found the one thing that I think I cook rather well. I know, I know, watch the pride. But seriously – I enjoy making them and they always seem to turn out great. I even had a caterer tell me they were wonderful! So, here’s my reveal of the great recipe… that I found on like Taste of Home or something a couple years ago. I even took pictures. Mostly because I was bored and it seemed like a fun thing to do.

Banana Muffins

 

All the ingredients and supplies needed! The one thing I love about this recipe is that it doesn’t call for anything not available here in Peru. Notice my milk (the containor that says “Gloria” in the back) comes in a box! The nice thing is that milk doesn’t go bad as quickly, so we can keep boxes of milk on hand, in the cupboard, for weeks at a time and not worry about it. The brown sugar (the stuff sitting next to the milk box) is homemade. I had someone bring down some molasses and I made up brown sugar using just a little molasses and white sugar. Not *quite the same, but it works.

• Whisk together the dry ingredients – flour, brown sugar, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon
• In a separate bowl, whisk the wet – smashed bananas, vegetable oil, milk, eggs, and vanilla

I discovered a trick to smashing bananas. I was so sick of the mess of using a fork and it took forever. Instead, I keep the banana in the peel and just crush it.

The peel naturally opens …

… and then you just use a fork and scrape out the smashed insides.

It takes just a couple seconds afterwards using the back of the fork and making sure everything truly is smashed. Presto! Clean hands, quickly smashed bananas.

• Make a well in the center of your dry ingredients and pour the wet ingredients into it. Mix just until moistened with a wooden spoon.

• Pour into a well-greased muffin tin. I have never had to worry how full I make the spaces; it has never run over. These are not normally high-rising muffins. Place them in a preheated oven of about 425 F (about 290 C).

• Immediately after placing them in the oven, turn the temperature down to 375 F (about 190 C).

I gave you this shot so you could kind of see my oven knobs. I only have Celsius and I only have a few numbers BUT I DO have a thermostat! Most ovens, even ones with numbers on them, do not come with thermostats. The majority of ovens come merely come with “1, 2, 3, 4, 5″ written on the oven knob! I’m SO thankful for my oven with a thermostat! Granted, it’s not insulated, so the heat just comes POURING out of there, BUT during winter, wow, that feels nice.

• Bake for about 25 minutes.

• And VOILA! Banana muffins.

To be brutally honest, mine turned out rather dense this time. I don’t know why, but I’m guessing it’s either the homemade brown sugar or I didn’t use enough baking powder. They still taste fine; they’re just really heavy and didn’t hardly rise at all. They sure look pretty, though! The brown sugar gave them a nice brown sheen to them.

If you’d like the actual measurements, drop me a note! Happy Baking!

 

Mi Pensamientos.

Lately, it just feels like I have so much going through my mind. Here’s my current, basically constant, dilemas. (does that have one “m” or two??)

1. Figuring out home school curriculum for 2010. I will have up to three children in Kindergarten, two of which (the ones that are for sure) who aren’t quite ready for a whole day in English school. They are both seven years old, therefore, they should be in second grade. Alas, this is not the truth. One of them neither reads or writes in any language, although she seems to know her letters. The other does fairly well in both languages, but is still lacking the English to be even conversational. So, what do I do? I hate the curriculum that is being used now and I want to change it. How do I get books and materials past customs? How do I balance teaching English and history to my now 7th grader (but will be 8th grader), making sure my 4th grader keeps up, and keeping an eye on my 10th grader – while physically teaching Kindergarten to barely bilingual seven year olds?
2. Brian is needed to do some building in the jungle during December, January, and February. I have managed to drive our director insane by saying that, due to culture stress and finding our way in a new country, I’d rather Brian was not gone all the way up until two days before Christmas, leaving me alone in Lima for the bulk of December. I just can’t do it. This is the only time we’ve really said no to something and I hope desperately that they will honor that. However, Brian is needed up there – there’s no way around that. So, the options are – Brian goes up earlier and comes back earlier (still gone about 12 days total) BUT he won’t be actually with the team doing the building in order to supervise. Which can be a problem. OR – we both go up together and I hang out in the house in Iquitos while Brian works all day in the jungle, every day for 12 days. I would be one of two women in the house all day, doing cooking and cleaning for the group of men, and I would see Brian at night. Neither of these options make me terribly excited. I honestly don’t know what to do and I feel like such a jerk for even voicing my opinions on the trip in December because now everyone’s scrambling to “accomodate the crazy Americans.” sigh.

Okay, so those are my two main issues. Somehow there seemed like there was more! It just seems like that’s all I’m thinking about or talking about these days. Poor Brian. I must drive him insane.

Like I mentioned yesterday, one of my best friends from high school will be a dad in April. This brings me to thought #3, even though it’s not really a decision I need to make. I’ve mentioned this before, but honestly — I want to be a mother. Maybe I want it too much? Maybe I’m missing out on something else God has for us? I don’t know. I’m trying to be patient and trust the Lord. It’s hard. Can I just admit that, guilt-free? It’s hard! I had someone tell me last year that I was horribly insensitive to ladies that can’t have children and that I should never be allowed to talk to someone who’s infertile ever again. It was the most offensive email I have ever received. If she only knew. I think about that often, though, and it’s really made me realize that above all, no matter what happens in the years to come, I never, under any circumstances, want to become that bitter. So bitter that nobody can say any words of encouragement (I sent the exact same email to two friends in the process of adopting. One commented that way – the other said it was the most encouraging email she’d received in awhile and loved getting emails like that. Hmm…). I want to “rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep” and have it be sincere. I can honestly say that in the last few weeks, my heart has changed – in leaps and bounds. For once, I didn’t bawl my eyes out when I heard about a pregnancy that wasn’t my own. But, I have to say, my heart filled with tears and anxiety when I told Brian the news and his face just fell and I thought he was going to crumble. He told me he understands and desires it as much as I do. That’s hard to bear. It’s one thing when it’s just me that wants a baby and is dealing with this; but to hear it from my husband? Ouch.

On the other hand – we’ve both begun to think that adoption may be the way for us. My house cleaner tells me every week about another child she knows that needs a family. These stories literally break my heart and I just weep for these children when she leaves. I hate hearing about kids who come to the daycare dirty, uncared for, unloved, unwanted, poor, bedragged, riddled with curable diseases. Above anything else right now, I am determined to give a home to at least one of those children. If not more. I’m beginning to hate having such a big, empty home. When my house cleaner comes with the deaf child she cares for and the house fills with Cielo’s laughter - that’s when I feel the house is a home.

So, what does God have in store for us? I have no idea. I wish I knew. I wish I had just an inkling – a glimmer – a ray – a spark, even, of what the future holds for us. But, I don’t. It’s like we’re stumbling in a long, dark tunnel and we know the end is out there, but we don’t even know which direction to head to get there.

On the plus side, we have kids around us pretty much constantly. Mondays, I have at least two handicapped children in my house helping my house cleaner clean. Weekends, we give the kids on campus rides on our golf cart and invariably, two or three hang out with Brian and help him work. Sunday evening, the neighbor lady who walks her cows was outside with her granddaughter (who absolutely LOOOOVES Brian). I took her granddaughter, Esmerelda, on a ride on the golf cart with four other little girls from campus and when I got back, Brian said he’d talked with the grandma. The grandma had asked if Esmerelda was with me and when Brian said yes, instead of getting upset, the grandma said, “Oh good! Every time she stays with me, she asks if the nice couple is still living in the house. She wants to visit you every week because she thinks you’re some of the nicest people she’s ever met. She was hanging out in the field by your house waiting to see you today.” Yup. Made our day.

So, I have no doubt that God knows what He’s doing. I have no doubt that He has my best interest at heart. I just gotta keep plugging away and not let “mi pensamientos” (my thoughts) get the best of me.

 

The End of October Draws Near.

Coming up with things to be thankful for is more of a chore today. Not necessarily because life is bad, just because I have a lot on my mind that I’m NOT particularly thankful for! Anybody ever have days like that?

So, I AM thankful for…

• Date Night with Brian tonight. We’re going to an American restaurant and just spending time together.
• A good weekend with my husband. It looked like the weekend wasn’t going to go so well, but it actually went much better than expected.
• The fact that one of my best friends from high school will be a father in April. He’s going to be SUCH a good father; I’m so happy for him and his wife.
• Finally finding refrigerated pizza in the supermarket. =) It’s cheaper than in a restaurant and with some homemade pizza sauce to put on top (Peruvians don’t believe in putting pizza sauce on pizza), it’s just about perfect!
• The girls I do Bible study with once a week. We can be open and honest, share our joys and our tears, and feel perfectly comfortable with each other. It’s developed a relationship that goes beyond culture and just means the world to me each week!

I’m also thankful that it’s NOT snowing here. hehehe. Happy Almost the End of October!

 

Insert Snappy Title Here.

I’ve given up wanting to title my blog entries. I think I’m just going to insert random phrases that have nothing to do with my entries, just for fun and to see how many hits I get. hehe.

Thanks to spazzy internet, my Thankful Monday has been moved to Thankful Tuesday.

• A wonderful, almost unbelievably nice, weekend with Brian. Movies, motorcycle rides, a barbecue… it was just SO nice after such a LONG week!
• Finding Vanilla Coke. Slightly over-priced, but oh wow was it good.
• Louise’s apple cake recipe. Ode to Louise. It is WONDERFUL. Thanks, friend!
• My beautiful, newly painted bathroom – the last room to need a paint job! I realized I did it all in fall colors and I’m so glad it turned out that way. It’s beautiful!

• The fact that my third grader is now writing summaries of books I have her read. They’re not perfect, but they’re finally understandable (English is her 2nd language and she’s still not what I would consider fluent.), including correct punctuation and capitalization.
• Finding “The Office” for sale in the local market! Woohoo!
• My mom. Her birthday is today:

My mom is my hero – hands down. She is a phenomenal pastor’s wife who has put up with SO much in the ministry. She has stood by my dad through thick and thin and downright awful. She’s put up with more than I will ever know or understand. It’s merely her health that keeps her close to home these days. She is the sweetest, funniest, most wonderful woman in the entire world and if I can be half of who she is, I’ll be satisfied. She’s my best friend, after my husband, and I miss her dearly. I know it’s dorky to say you’re close to your mom, but we’re just so much alike, how could we NOT be good friends? We have the same sense of humor. We’re not allowed to shop together anymore because inevitably, we talk too loud about how HORRIBLE the clothing styles are and we make fun of… well, everything… and I tend to add random items to her shopping cart… We used to just sit in the living room at least twice a week and recap our lives, even though we lived together, and just talk for hours and hours and get NOTHING done. We’d yell and scream at each other, slam doors in each other’s faces, and then a half hour later, we’d be crying and apologizing and it’d be all over. She drives me crazy cuz she’s so MOM. Yet, going months without talking to her on the phone drives me crazy more. She’s so strong. I remember the day she was waiting to find out if my uncle was being taken off the respirator, she played the piano at a wedding and never once mentioned to anyone what she was going through because that day wasn’t about her.

So ~ Happy Birthday, Mom. You’re the best!

 

 

Strange Ashes.

Literally two weeks before we left for Peru, I was handed a book by one of my favorite people on earth – Elisabeth Elliott. It was a book I wasn’t even aware she had written. It’s called These Strange Ashes and is about her time in Ecuador before she married Jim. I literally could not put it down. I poured through the book and ended up copying down a bunch of quotes that I knew someday I’d go back to. Unfortunately, this book is still in Pennsylvania; hopefully it can come down in a suitcase with a friend within the next couple of months.

I love the title of the book - These Strange Ashes. It’s taken from a poem by Amy Carmichael:

“But these strange ashes, Lord, this nothingness, This baffling sense of loss?  Son, was the anguish of my stripping less Upon the torturing cross?”

The last couple of weeks (probably the last month or so) have been really difficult, in just so many different areas. I wrote about it this morning and was going to post it, but when I re-read it, I realized I really shouldn’t. I don’t want to become a bitter missionary; I don’t want to be one of the ones that lives for furlough. I want to thoroughly love what I’m doing and dive into life in a new country.

But, for now, that’s not the case. I love my job, but I haven’t been this stressed out about a job in a long time. I love the country I’m in, but I’m struggling with language. I love what we’re doing and why we’re here, but I’m missing family right now. I love our new friends, but I miss our old ones – especially the ones that seem to have forgotten about us.

But…these strange ashes…this nothingness…this baffling sense of loss…?

I know exactly what she meant in these words. I wish I didn’t understand, but I do.

I read this quote this morning:

“Each separate experience of individual stripping we may learn to accept as a fragment of the suffering Christ bore when He took it all. “Surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.” This grief, this sorrow, this total loss that empties my hands and breaks my heart, I may, if I will, accept, and by accepting it, I find in my hands something to offer. And so I give it back to Him, who in mysterious exchange gives Himself to me.” (Elisabeth Elliott, These Strange Ashes, p. 127)

As I was getting ready to leave my house this morning, I asked myself: Where do I go from here? The last thing we want is to get stuck in the pit of culture stress. We both recognize that we’re there; now it’s up to us how long we stay there and how we get out.

The answer to my question, I realized, is to give it all back to God. These strange ashes that I don’t understand; this feeling of nothingness - the ache of feeling useless; this baffling, confusing, downright frustrating sense of inexplicable loss… If I offer it all back to God, somehow, He will take it as an acceptable sacrifice and turn it into something beautiful. That’s what’s so strange about these ashes. There’s nothing great in them, nothing worthwhile of becoming a pleasing aroma, a pleasing sacrifice, to God. But, He takes it because it’s all I’ve got right now. In Romans where it talks about offering up our bodies as a living sacrifice, God doesn’t specify that our bodies (or our minds!) need to be perfect or worthwhile. He just wants us to give of ourselves, whatever that looks like.

So, here we go. I’m going to give it all up because to be honest, I have nowhere else to go with it and I don’t want it anymore.

 

Simplicity.

Yesterday, on our way home from church, I started listing the things I’m grateful for this week. I had an awful lot… now to see if I can remember them all!

I am thankful for…

• My new furniture! Somehow, no matter when you do it, unpacking suitcases ALWAYS makes you feel like you’re finally settling in. It’s been seven months since we’ve lived out of a dresser; I can’t describe how good it feels to open and close drawers instead of zipping and unzipping unorganized suitcases.

• My very first coffeetable. I have always, always, always wanted a coffeetable. I don’t know why; I just have. We never got around to purchasing one in South Dakota; seems like money could always be better used elsewhere. But here, in South America, I finally have a coffeetable. It even has a spot in the middle for putting items under glass to display. I’m so incredibly happy.

• The fact that I can trust my husband – totally, implicitly. I trust him with my well-being, my big decisions, my love, and my life. • Internet access. I’m never more grateful for internet than after we go days without any access.

• Being in country seven months and still holding it together!

• The fact that it is NOT snowing here in Picapiedra and it WILL NOT snow here in Picapiedra… ever.

• Spring! Ohhh it feels SO nice to see the sun again for more than just a couple hours a day per week!

• How cheap vegetables are in Peru. Fresh veggies were killing our budget in the States. Here, I spend about 30 cents and get over a kilo of fresh veggies.

• Encouraging emails out of the blue from people I think have forgotten about me.

• The fact that I am not pregnant because I get to enjoy the freedom of our motorcycle for at least one more month (we’re taking it a month at a time now…).

• The new burdens God has placed on our hearts. Since He put them there, I cannot wait to see how He accomplishes them!

• The fact that I’ll spend at least another two, maybe four, weeks in the jungle in January!

• Feeling genuinely useful, wanted, and included.

This weekend, I was browsing my favorite blogs and I ran across this entry: http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com/2009/10/coffee-shop-hop.html (yes, Becky, I want to know how to the link thing!!). She described the beautiful things she saw this week amidst a world of utter evil and confusion. Here’s a few pictures of the beauty in MY world recently. Check out her blog; maybe it’ll inspire you to look for things off the beaten track during your normal routine this week.